Character Descriptions



A fresh-faced kid, just out of College. He’s new and naïve.

Baritone: BЬ2 to G4

Kate Monster

A kindergarten teacher’s assistant, a bit older than Princeton. She’s cool, romantic, a bit sensitive, practical, and strong. never weak, or the ingénue, or cutesy.

Alto:  F#3 – F5 – some “belting” or chest voice required


A bit of a slacker who lives with Rod.  

Baritone: B2 – B4


A conservative investment banker with a secret; he’s in the closet. He is very smart, very human, and basically a success at life in general. He’s a romantic and though tortured he is anything but freakish. Because of his secret, he is emotionally restrained most of the time. Rod is the “heart” of the show.

Baritone:  A2 to G4

Trekkie Monster

A reclusive creature obsessed by the Internet and not afraid to admit that he surfs the net for porn.

Bass: BЬ2 – EЬ4

Lucy (The Slut)

A cabaret performer and lady of questionable virtue. She’s a vixenish vamp with a dangerous edge.

Alto/Mezzo: F3 – F5 with jazzy style and belt.  Think of Mama Rose from Gypsy combined with Sophie Tucker.

The Bad Idea Bears

Two snuggly cute teddy bear types on a satanic mission but so adorable. They are so sweet they could induce diabetic coma. They are always positive and super UP, never malevolent. Very cute and the very opposite of your Guardian Angels.   

BЬ3 to G4 – mainly chorus bits with a few solo lines (usually one male and one female performer).

Mrs. “T” (Thistletwat)

Kate’s ancient boss. She is…well…prickly, let’s say.

Role usually doubled with a Lucy or a Bad Idea Bear.

No solos but will sing in ensemble numbers

The Newcomer

A Princeton carbon copy.

Role usually doubled with a Bad Idea Bear.

Baritone with similar range to Princeton




A 32 year old (stage age) laid back unemployed guy married to Christmas Eve. A Japanese immigrant. He is the central grounding force of the show, a good listener, down to earth and a realist. He is a relaxed, easy come, easy go kind of guy and the perfect foil for his wife

Baritone: B2 to F#4

Christmas Eve

A Japanese immigrant and therapist, married to Brian. She is strong and direct without any mugging or too stereotypical oriental crap. Only when necessary for comedic punch does she stray into a less than politically correct Japanese accent. She is grounded and honest. She has 2 masters’ degrees and is uber intelligent. Trust that the laughs will be there and don’t play her over the top unless directed to here and there. Requires an Asian actress.

Mezzo: with some belting a la Judy Garland, B3 to F#5 

Gary Coleman

Yes, that “What you talkin’ ‘bout Willis?” Gary Coleman. He’s the building superintendent. Looking for a black actor or actress.

D3 – BЬ5 with some blues style